Empty chairs at empty tables
by AVeryMerryUnbirthdayToMe
Summary: She doesn't understand why she's the last one standing. That's the funny thing about change: it can either bring light or leave you all alone.


_**Authors Note: Hiya! I was sort of disappointed to see a lack of fanfic about the new team, so I decided to write my own. This can be interpreted as Nikki/Jack or just friendship. I feel like we didn't really get to see Nikki come to terms with everything in the show, so I wanted to explore it a bit. I also felt bad for her because she has no parents, no family, Harry left and Leo died! Poor poor Nikki. This is set around the latest series, sorry for any continuity, spelling or grammar mistakes :)**_

 _"There's a grief that can't be spoken._

 _There's a pain goes on and on._

 _Empty chairs at empty tables_

 _Now my friends are dead and gone."_

 _-Les miserables_

Nikki woke up with a tremendous flinch, the kind where if she hadn't been sleeping in a spacious double bed, she would have definitely fallen out of it. Panic had overtaken her mind, the darkness in the room only serving to amplify it. After a moment of heavy breathing, she remembered where she was: her bedroom (a place that was decidedly not Afghanistan).

With her senses slowly returning, Nikki's breath tried to even out (but failed). She reached across into the darkness, feeling at her bedside table for her phone.

3:23 am.

Nikki scowled at the bright light emitting from the mobile, scowled at the unreasonable time and then added in another scowl for good measure. The last one, had she been analysing her situation, was probably aimed at her pathetically plain lock screen. It used to be a picture of her, Harry and Leo.

It was plain blue now.

After a moments debate, it was painfully clear to Nikki that she was probably not going to get back to sleep (nor did she think she wanted to, if recent bad dreams were anything to judge by). She climbed out of her bed, and paused by the door to acknowledge the baseball bat resting against it. It was a recent purchase, just in case of another attempted assassination or break in. She would swear that her life was more dramatic than she had expected in her career choice. That was not a good thing.

Once deciding that her living room was perfectly safe and empty, Nikki felt her body drop into the closest chair. That particular old, comfy chair had been Leo's, much like several pieces of furniture in a flat at the present. There wasn't any use for them, he had no family to leave it to except for her. Having those pieces in her flat felt odd, but she couldn't bear to see them thrown in a skip. She couldn't bear to see the remaining pieces of Leo thrown away. Nikki still needed physical evidence of his existence, more than memories, more than his stupid metaphorical speech about love and changing, more than...

She was suddenly angry now, she noted in the back of her mind. 3:30 am overthinking had gotten to her finally, and Nikki felt the tears prick in her eyes. It was a chair. A stupid chair! More importantly, it was Leo's stupid chair, and that's what had made her upset.

"Change is good."

The soft words echoed around the room, only to be met with an ironic silence. If change was so good, why was she alone? Why was she the last one standing?

Change is good?

 _Bollocks_.

Change was bad, awful, terrible. It had benefited everyone apart from her, as though purposely disproving some of Leo's final words just to spite her. Change had torn her apart, breaking off parts of her heart until she was certain that there was nothing left to break. It had screwed her over.

There were tears actively running down Nikki's face now, the injustice of every single little thing having an amplified effect on her. The scientific, analytical side of her said that this emotion was due to an excess of late nights and too much work. However, her more emotional side just wanted to wallow in the pain of it all. A few years ago, when she was feeling a bit upset or sensitive like this, she would have phoned Harry. Change had gotten in the way of that too. There was no use for a man in her life that was an eight hour flight away, in a demanding job and in a different time zone. Sure, they talked briefly on occasions, they still tagged each other in funny pictures on Facebook, but that was not enough. He did not know her or her world now; she had changed too.

The problem was, there was no one else Nikki could even think of unloading her emotional burden on at the moment. Leo was dea- gone. She did not know Thomas well enough. She couldn't possibly ask Clarissa to come over or to talk at this unreasonable time (and she wasn't even sure how that would work. Did she have a carer? A husband, even? Could she drive? Come to think of it, did Nikki really know anything about her at all?). That last thought only supported the idea that she had no close friends she could call on whatsoever. All except...

Jack.

She paused for a moment, mulling over the idea in her head. They were friends, but not like how he and Clarissa were friends. They were colleagues, but not like how he and Thomas were colleagues. To be honest, she wasn't quite sure how she fit into his life. He fit into hers quite well, because there was simply nothing else there. No other human, friend or enemy; her life was pitifully empty. He was a single jigsaw piece that fitted into the space she called her life just because there were no other pieces to say that it didn't. It was not like that the other way around though, Nikki acknowledged bitterly, Jack had his own network of people.

She picked up her mobile, verging on a decision. It weighed heavily in her hand. If she ever needed a friend, she needed one now; Jack had to be enough.

Recent contacts.

Dial tone.

Dial tone.

Dial tone.

"...hallo?" A sleepy accented voice answered. Nikki wasn't sure he would, and she felt her throat seize for a moment.

"Jack?"

"What?" It was almost a whine, as though he had suddenly realised the obscenely early time. It made her feel guilty suddenly, as though this was an unfair thing to have done. Before she could reason with it, regret filled her mind. It was a bad idea, she should have gone back to bed, she could have dealt with it on her own, she could have-

"Nikki?"

No, she couldn't have dealt with it on her own.

"Ja-ack." There was a wobble in her voice. God damnit.

"Nikki? What's wrong?" The voice was a 100% more alert now, "Nikki?"

"Ca-an you come over p-please?" Her voice was broken by her uneven breathing as she failed to hold back the tears.

"I'll be there in 10 minutes."

8 minutes later, there was a knock at the door. Even though she knew it was Jack, Nikki was hesitant about opening it and for good reason; last time someone knocked on her door, he ended up shooting the door down and trying to shoot her. That was a very good reason for being a bit wary.

When she cracked open the door, she was met by the familiar face. Jack, on the other hand, was met by a tear stained face.

"Oh, Nikki." He said softly, his eyes taking in every detail of her puffy face and crumpled clothes (she had obviously been crying for sometime before she had phoned him, and that gave him a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach that he couldn't quite explain). Those two words were just enough to start the tears falling again, much to Jack's concern. He pushed the door open further, allowing him to enter the flat and wrapped his arms around Nikki's sobbing frame.

This sudden bout of emotion was not like Nikki, and that in itself was concerning. The few months after Leo's death, of course she had been upset, but nothing like this. Maybe it was about time, to be honest.

"C'mon Nikki," he whispered as she shook, "what brought this on, eh?"

Despite her attempt at tiny shrug, he had a feeling that Nikki knew exactly what had made her upset. Whatever it was, Jack was going to find out and sort it out.

"Let's sit down," he vaguely remembered where the sofa was in her apartment, and gently led Nikki by the shoulders in that direction.

As soon as Nikki sat down, it was like a dam had burst. In the future, when she thought about it she was certain that she hadn't made any sense whatsoever, but at the present her incoherent sobs mixed with words was the most important thing in the world. It was a mess of tears, followed by an odd hiccup and several words (along the lines of "lonely" and "no family" and "everyone gone" much to Jack's dismay).

"That's not true, you have me, and Clarissa," he paused involuntary, "and Thomas?"

It wasn't that Thomas wasn't a good guy, quite the opposite in fact (even if he did have a habit of saying the wrong things at the wrong time). The problem was that he was just too... 'Thomas' and not 'Leo'. That was hardly his fault.

"You have us, Nikki. You always will."

It wasn't a grand speech about love and friendship, Jack knew he would never be able to do them justice like Leo, but it appeared to be enough. Nikki had attached herself to him, arms clinging like she was expecting him to disappear at any second. No fear, he had wrapped his arms around her just as tightly, rubbing comforting circles on her back as she sobbed into his shirt. By her cries, he could definitely tell that this breakdown was a long time in the making, and all he could do was help her through it an embrace and whispered words of support. It was the least he could do.

Maybe they spent the rest of the long morning in that embrace, maybe she dribbled on his shirt slightly, and maybe they wouldn't mention it later on. But Jack was content.

And when Thomas asked for Nikki's opinion, applauded her brilliance and appreciated her mind-

And when Clarissa made her tea, made her laugh, and took her on a 'girls night out'-

And when he surprised her with pizza, impromptu snooker games, and left funny post-it notes on her desk-

Jack was content because Nikki knew that she was loved.


End file.
